The path Fitha Dahana-Ellis took toward getting help for herself started with a big statement. She had been struggling to encourage her husband, an Army veteran, to get treatment for what she now recognizes as signs of post-traumatic stress disorder, commonly known as PTSD.
鈥淚 opened my big mouth and said: If they had a program where the family member could just go, focus on themselves for two weeks and really process these big emotions that we have and learn how to live with them and have the tools, I would be the first person to go,鈥 she said.
It turns out that has such an opportunity 鈥 and proved to be just the thing for both Fitha and her husband. Road Home鈥檚 approach is that when one person serves the country, the whole family serves. While the program supports veterans and active service members, it also helps family members address their needs.
鈥淎s family members, we have our own PTSD 鈥 secondary PTSD,鈥 Fitha said. 鈥淎nd a lot of times, veterans 鈥 and the caregivers 鈥 come out of the military, where they had a really strong support system, and all of a sudden they鈥檙e alone.鈥
From paradise to problems
Fitha met her husband 鈥 an infantryman then stationed at the Schofield Barracks 鈥 in Hawaii, where she lived at the time. He had just come back from an 18-month deployment to Iraq.
鈥淗e was glad to be back in Hawaii,鈥 she recalled. 鈥淗e wanted to run around town, see movies together, explore the island. He was really outgoing and funny. We share the same dark humor.鈥
They were married within a year. Then, he redeployed to Iraq.
After he returned, he received orders to Fort Campbell, along the border of Tennessee and Kentucky. It was around that time that he started showing signs of PTSD.
鈥淭here was a big shift in his personality,鈥 Fitha said.
She noticed he was 鈥渨ound tighter鈥 than he used to be, short and angry in his communications. He often made a big deal or got upset about things like garbage on the road or people standing too close at the grocery store.
鈥淚 felt like I was walking on eggshells,鈥 Fitha said. 鈥淚 felt like I had to filter myself, because I didn鈥檛 know if there was something I was going to bring up that would upset him.鈥
Fitha was already having a tough time acclimating to her new home. She didn鈥檛 have the food options she loved in Hawaii. She couldn鈥檛 find the type of public relations and marketing work she鈥檇 done before. And her husband鈥檚 obligations to the Army meant he wasn鈥檛 home much.
鈥淚 was in a dark place,鈥 she said. 鈥淚t was hard. I was taking care of two kids in diapers. I didn鈥檛 have friends.鈥
She felt alone.
Recognizing a need
It was the middle of the night when Fitha and her husband heard a noise, which they later learned was nothing more than something that had fallen in the garage. But in that moment, he ordered her to grab a rifle and 鈥渃lear rooms鈥 with him. After things calmed, he realized what happened and finally acknowledged he might need help.
鈥淚 was so relieved,鈥 Fitha said. 鈥淔inally, he was strong enough to admit there was a problem. Now what?鈥
While her husband was stationed at Fort Campbell, Fitha worked for a couple of years in the Army Career and Alumni Program, now called Soldier for Life, helping veterans and their families transition from military lives back to civilian ones. The week of the incident, Wounded Warrior Project庐 visited for a presentation about mental health.
鈥淚 remember just sitting in that room crying, because for the first time in a long time I didn鈥檛 feel alone,鈥 Fitha said. 鈥淚 knew what was coming and that there were resources to help him.鈥
Fitha made herself two promises after that presentation. She would get her husband involved in Wounded Warrior Project庐. Then, she would get a job there.
Road to recoveries
In 2014, just a year after making those promises, Fitha started working at Wounded Warrior Project庐 as a career counselor in the Warriors to Work庐 program. She continues to serve with the Warrior Care Network庐 team to this day.
Through her work, she became more familiar with Road Home Program. For roughly a decade, as the family moved around, Fitha said her husband had visited a number of veteran-focused centers and private providers, with little progress to show for it. She really wanted him to go to Warrior Care Network庐, and he finally agreed to take part virtually in Rush鈥檚 Road Home Program.
鈥淚 found that everyone at Rush鈥檚 Road Home Program is just so nice 鈥 the easiest to work with,鈥 she said. 鈥淭here鈥檚 not a lot of egos. I love partnering with them and their teams about Road Home. I was so happy that he agreed to attend.鈥
After his second day of talking to , clinical psychologist and manager of the virtual accelerated brain health program at Road Home, her husband barged into a room to declare to her that Road Home is 鈥渢he best program ever.鈥 And Fitha has seen a notable improvement.
鈥淭hey gave him the tools to not immediately jump to heightened emotions,鈥 she said, noting it is now sometimes in contrast to her own tendencies to tense up in certain situations. 鈥淗e says, 鈥楴o, let鈥檚 think about this.鈥 That鈥檚 the big gift we got from the program. I get to see glimpses of the man I first met.鈥
When Fitha learned that Road Home had a family cohort, she was one of the first people to register to make good on the pledge she had made before her husband鈥檚 decision to attend. But PTSD led to avoidance, and she found herself not returning Road Home鈥檚 calls or calling back after hours, when she knew it would be closed for the day. She justified it as being 鈥渢oo busy.鈥
At that time, she was traveling a lot with the Road Home team and sharing Warrior Care Network庐 resources with community partners and military service members. Intake clinician Mike O鈥機onnell, LCSW, helped her understand why seeking such help can be difficult for anyone 鈥 including her husband.
鈥淗e said, 鈥榃hen you go out there and ask veterans to leave their homes for two weeks and do something that鈥檚 scary, unpack all of that trauma, what you鈥檙e going through is very similar to what they鈥檙e going through; I want you to think about it that way,鈥欌 she recalled. 鈥淯npacking emotions is not fun, especially if you鈥檝e put them into tiny, color-coded boxes that are stored away.鈥
Fitha noted that working with Benjamin Shulman, MA, LCPC, clinical manager of the accelerated brain health program at Road Home, was also an eye-opening experience. No matter what she 鈥渢hrew at him鈥 in their discussions, he remained calm and asked her to reflect.
鈥淭hat made me feel really good,鈥 she said. 鈥淚鈥檝e been to therapists before where I鈥檝e said things and the therapist said, 鈥楾hat鈥檚 wrong.鈥 Not him. He鈥檚 so comforting.鈥
In addition to addressing things related to her husband鈥檚 PTSD, Fitha said the program helped her process the recent passing of her mother, with whom she had a complicated relationship.
鈥淔or the family members, the reasoning for coming to Road Home does not have to connect directly to the experiences of the veteran or service member,鈥 said Joseph Zolper, manager of veteran outreach and networking for Road Home. 鈥淟eave your veterans or service members aside for a moment. What do you need?鈥
Helping others find their paths
鈥淲hen I started helping soldiers transition out of the military, I really did find this is what I was meant to do, this is what I want to do,鈥 Fitha said. 鈥淔rom 2012 on, I鈥檝e been working with military service members and veterans. I cannot imagine doing anything else. I鈥檓 just so proud to be able to do the work that I do.鈥
Nowadays, that work includes recounting her family鈥檚 story during speaking engagements. Through those events, she often meets other veterans and their families, who connect to different aspects of her story and often share their own. And she encourages anyone she can to use the resources that are available and know they鈥檙e not alone.
鈥淚f someone comes and talks to me, then I know I鈥檝e made an impact,鈥 she said. 鈥淪ometimes it may come back years later. Just putting my story out there makes it more comfortable. It breaks that stigma, too. It makes me feel like I鈥檝e done my part.鈥
